Customer funny quotes and sayings

This page is dedicated to some of our customer funny quotes and sayings made by customers. No offence is intended and no customer identities are or ever will be revealed….ENJOY!

1. Quote of the week so far……Lady brings in several pairs of trousers for shortening then says “You mean I have to pay for them?”

2. “How much to shorten my jeans please?” £8.00 I reply. Lady responds “But I only paid 50p for them at a charity shop!” (Er yeah….and????)

3. Phone rings……….”Can you shorten sleeves on my suit jacket?” Yes we reply, “Do I need to bring it in?” asks the customer!!

4. Customer walks up to the shop, looks up at the Shop front signage, looks through the window then reads the price list on the shop window before coming into the shop and asks “Do you do clothing alterations?” No, I reply, we’re an Ice Cream shop!!!

5. Man walks into the shop and asks “How much is it to shorten my curtains?” I ask him if they are ring top or curtain tape “Don’t know” he says. OK are they lined or unlined I query? “Erm, maybe, I don’t really know” he replies. OK, how wide are they? I ask. “Erm, he opens his arms and says “About this width I guess?” Finally I ask him how much they need shortening, “Erm, I’m not sure!” he responds………Welcome to the psychic alteration shop!!!

6. A little Elderly lady walks in and asks us to take her dress in a little at the sides, which we do. A week later later she returns the dress to us and complains that it’s too tight around her waist now. Max asks her to go into the changing room and try it on and see what the matter is. She calls out that she’s ready and Max walks in trying not to laugh. Diplomatically, Max says to her “You’ve tucked your boobies in your waistband” and they both laugh.

7. A lady collects her dress that was shortened and begins arguing over the small £10.00 charge despite us doing the work. She checks every single stitch looking for an excuse not to pay, she tells us the colour of the cotton is not an EXACT match and that the dress has not been ironed. We explain that we don’t actually press the whole garment, only the part that was altered. Again she complained, then realising she was not going to get away without paying she then demanded she receive a discount for “the inconvenience of going NEXT DOOR to the cash machine!” Again I was adamant that she would not get away with this so I declined her offer. She then very reluctantly opened her purse to pay (showing a wad of £10 notes in her purse) and paid in full before storming out slamming the door behind her.

8. If one more foreign person comes into the shop and asks me “What’s your best price?” I’m going to double it!!

9. Gentleman walks in and asks “How much is it to shorten my legs?” We don’t actually perform surgery I reply but we can shorten the legs on your trousers or jeans if that helps? Gentleman responds “How much is it?  £8.00 I reply, OK then that’s fine, can you shorten them to a 31″ inside leg please?” Sure I reply. “And the same for the other leg too please” The customer says.

10. The shop door opens and a lady pops her head in and shouts “TWO PAIRS OF TROUSERS!!!!!”, I sat there a little bewildered and confused before responding loudly “A JUMPER AND TWO SKIRTS!!” The lady then walks into the shop apologizing explaining that she brought in two pairs of trousers for shortening and wondered if they were ready yet.

11. A young lady stands outside reading our price list and then walks in, confirming that a dress is just £10.00 for shortening. “Yes” Max replies. “Good” replies the young lady, “I’ll fetch my wedding dress in next week”……erm don’t think so!!

12. Gentleman walks in inquiring about the price of jeans shortening, “£8.00 a pair” I answer, “Thanks” the man replies “and is that for each leg?”….Oh maaaannnn!!!

13. Lady having a Wedding dress fitting is jokingly told not to eat too many mince pies over Christmas as her dress can’t be let out much further. She returns after Christmas for a final fitting and has put on a few pounds. Max jokingly says “I did say don’t eat too many mince pies” and the customer responds with “But you didn’t say anything about the cakes, chocolate and sweets though so it’s not my fault!…..(makes you wonder how these people made it to adulthood doesn’t it?)

14. Elderly lady comes into the shop and explains that she needs this repairing, that repairing, something shortened and something re-lined etc. When I tell her much much it totals, she responds with “You mean I have to pay?”

15. Two lovely men come into the shop and one says “Can you shorten his trousers to a 29″ inside leg please?” The other gentleman responds with “I’m a 27″ not 29″ and they both begin arguing , this lasts about two to three minutes until the gentleman who owns the trousers finally shouts out “They’re my bloody legs, I should know!”

16. Lady walks up to a counter and gets a pair of 3/4 length jeans out of a bag and lays them onto the counter, “Can you shorten these to a 31″ inside leg please?” I measure them knowing full well they are too short and show her that they are only 17″ with the tape measure and tell her they can’t be shortened to 31″. “Why not?” she asks. Erm……..”Because there’s no material there madam” I reply, waving my hand below the hem line “Oh, I hadn’t thought of that” she quietly says, quickly placing her jeans back into her bag before rushing out the door (slightly embarrassed I’d imagine?)

17. It was around half past two on a Thursday afternoon and several customers were queued up waiting to be served. A youngish lady of about 20 walks in and joins the queue. When it gets to her turn about ten minutes later she says “Are you open?” “Yes” I answer. “Good” replies the lady, “I’ll go back and tell my mum!”……….WHAT??????

18. Gentleman walks in and says “Can you shorten sleeves on my jacket, they’re too long?” “Yes” I reply. “Can you do it right away whilst I wait as I’m going away this afternoon?” “Sorry”, I say, “we work on a first come first served basis, to make it fair for everyone, may I take a look at the jacket to see if it’s straightforward?” “I don’t have it with me” the customers responds, “I was going to bring it down later this afternoon!”

19. Lady walks in and asks “How much is it for a new jeans zip?” “£8.50″ I reply. “I only paid £9.00 for them!” she says. I politely explain that it doesn’t matter how an item costs, the work remains the same irregardless. “Huh!” she says, “I usually take them with me to Thailand and it only costs me £1.00!” She complains. I politely smile as she walks out slamming the door behind her.

20. I still can’t believe a young lady queued up behind other customers for ten minutes to ask us if we were open!!!!!!

21. A lady collected her Wedding dress and Bridesmaid dresses on Thursday ready for her Wedding on Saturday afternoon. We noticed she had left her shoes behind at the shop so we rang her and left a message….no response……Next day the lady rings us and we tell her about the shoes she forgot to collect. “But you didn’t tell me to collect the shoes as well!” the lady responds

22. Young man walks in and asks us to alter his trousers but he doesn’t know by how much. “No problem” Max says, “Pop in the changing room and try them on and we’ll pin them for you”. “What in here?” the man points to the counter. “No” Max says “In this little room here with the curtain, go and there and pull the curtain closed whilst you’re getting changed”. When the young lad emerges, his trousers are far too long and Max says “Stand straight for me”, the customer bends his leg, looking down. “Please can you stand straight for me?” Max asks again. The young lad bends forward looking down at his hems which are up by his ankles by now. “Put your feet together and stand straight! Max asks once more. Max notices that the customer is holding his trousers up by the waist and asks why. “The customer replies “You didn’t say to do them up, I thought it would affect the length!!!”. The customer then does the trousers up and lets Max pin the hems correctly. The young lad lifts one knee up to his stomach pointing to his hem and says “They’re too short”. Max is at the end of her tether by now and politely tells him we are unable to help him and he should go somewhere else.

23. Lady rings up and asks if we can alter her bridesmaid dress ready for two months time. “Yes, sure, we’ll book you in for a fitting” I say. “Do I need to bring the dress with me?” She asks!!!…….Oh maaaaannnnn!!!!!!

24. Gentleman phones us and asks if we can move the buttonholes on the front of his suit jacket up about two inches.

25. Lady walked in and asks “Can you move this button-hole up half an inch please?” No, no, no, there’s the door, use it please!

26. Elderly lady walks in and asks me to shorten her lined trousers, so I took the details etc and at the end she asks “How much is it?” “£12.00″ I say “Because they’re lined, we shorten the lining to match.” “£12.00 per leg?” she asks. “No, £12.00 the pair” I reply. “And £12.00 for the lining as well?” She asks. “No!”, I say, “£12.00 in total”. “So that’s £12.00 for the trousers and £12.00 for the lining is it?” The lady asks. (I’m getting slightly frustrated by now!). “No, £12.00 in total for both the trousers and lining” I tell her once more. “Is that for each leg?” the lady asks. I smile at her, call Max over and walk away slowly and calmly.

27. Lady turns up for a dress fitting today and I ask her to pop into the changing room to put it on. The lady responds “I didn’t bring it with me, do I need it then?”